How to deal with toxic people
Updated: 2 days ago
A toxic person, can come in the form of a relationship partner, a family member, a friend, a work boss or simply a stranger spitting their anger onto another stranger. Which ever form you might have encountered, well its safe to say, it's just unkind, unnecessary and yes, it hurts! However it is crucial to remember, that everybody acts from their own level of consciousness and how a person acts has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Equally the law of the universe allows us to see that in every person we encounter in our lives there is a lesson to be learnt, useful for our own growth or to simply be the teacher for another. In this article we'll have a look at what a toxic person actually is, then why you find yourself in a situation with such a person and what to do to release such a person from your environment.
What is a toxic person?
The word toxic means negative, person with this trait, is someone with so much negativity inside and instead of healing and dealing with their own wounds, they spit their evil onto whomever comes into their environment.
Someone who will try to put you down, try to belittle you, try to make themselves bigger on the cost of your wellbeing, well that's toxic person.
A very clear sign of a toxic person for you, its the energy you feel when you are around them. That's as clear as it can get, if you feel negative, heavy, anxious, sad, depleted, any kind of negative vibration, well that's clear indicator for a toxic person and no matter what your brain tells you, that person is toxic for your energy and well-being!
Also remember, that a person always shows you who they truly are right when you meet them. For example, if you meet someone and they immediately are talking bad about others around you, well firstly it says lot about them and secondly, you know they will do the same thing when you are not in the room. You can truly identify someone toxic in the first 5 minutes you meet them.
Toxic people, are those individuals who have not dealt with their own wounds and deep traumas and might not even consciously be aware of all the damage they bring to others because they cannot see their negative behavior. Due to their own insecurity, fear, internal damage, pain, wounds, well they will see power to try to make themselves feel better on the cost of other people. They will also only achieve this, with people who have traumas within themselves and re people pleasers or maybe have self-worth issues which most likely stem from some rejection or circumstances developed in childhood.
Why do you find yourself in a situation around someone toxic?
When you find yourself in the environment of someone negative, well its either for you to learn something and grow or for you to be their teacher.
Very often all these situations stem from your childhood, because that's where we set the foundation for how we allow others to treat ourselves. This is where your beliefs and mental programs, and self-worth were developed. As we are currently collectively raising in consciousness, well there are many people who had childhoods, whose parents do love them, however due to their own unhealed wounds, they passed these wounds onto their children, and so many people have childhood traumas which are then reflected in their adult relationships in all circumstances. Therefore in most cases, its about going back to your childhood and figuring out when you were hurt, unfortunately by your parents who simply didn't know better at the time. In most cases, it really is about healing your inner child and understanding how and when you retract yourself, your self worth and who you truly are because this part of you got rejected to young on. Maybe you are even the family member who is healing generational karmic DNA. Once you truly heal these aspects within yourself (which doesn't happen over night) you will be able to change all circumstances, situations and relationships in your life.
If within your family you find someone not favorable to be around, or there were many issues growing up, well there is most likely a deep lingering lesson for you to learn, as family is for life, so it's a life lesson disguised through a person. Equally, this relationship was the underlying issue for the future toxic relationships you attracted, therefore it is crucial to heal that family situation to heal all others. And be aware sometimes you need to take years apart when intense disagreements occur to metaphorically cool down the water and allow time for personal growth and contemplation before revisiting and rebuilding a relationship for the better.
Therefore, having toxic people in your life, is an indicator that you are lacking some self-worth or have deep wounds which need to be dressed and healed. Therefore having a toxic boyfriend / girlfriend, friend or work boss are actually an opportunity to rise up, to speak up, to choose yourself and your own well being, to not be afraid to break up and bring something to an end, to act differently around people trying to do you wrong and raise yourself, in order to release a stagnant wound and issue within yourself, to grow and evolve as a soul and therefore break cycle and heal a deep lingering wound, in order to in the future attract positive people, favorable for a beautiful life experience.
Because remember, the external reality you experience, is a reflection of how it looks like within you. Based on that, you will attract people and situations reflecting your internal state of being, your true feelings within. And once you release wounds and pains of the past, you will not longer repeat situations and attract people reflecting that low vibrational way of being, because it will eb healed and released! For more details, read my article about 5 steps to break free from repeating patterns.
On another note, sometimes you might be in the environment of somebody who is in desperate need of what you are, of the light you have within you, of the tools you have gained and therefore show a negative person who they could be if they are willing to work on themselves. However in these cases, you will not be in their environment for long.
How to release a toxic person from your life
Now, having a toxic in your life, consumes your energy, robs you from being happy and can simply drag you down. In the end of the day, it is our own responsibility to not let these people be part of our lives whilst they act in such ways.
Sometimes it's as simply as immediately recognizing a toxic person and acting on your feeling and removing yourself from that person, without further engagement. That itself is already a lesson for many individuals. Sometimes especially in family circumstances, you might need to let go of someone for a while so you can years later come back and develop a beautiful relationship - that's growth. But in most cases, with relationship patterns, friendships and especially work situations, its about removing these people and not looking back. So how do you do this?
Understand what you need to learn. Do you need to learn to speak up for yourself? Do you find yourself in situations where you are being belittled, screamed at, made small, wrongly accused and you don't speak up? You simply take it and think "I don't want conflict" well speak up. Stay rational, control your emotions, speak calmly, with facts and don't engage in this silly childish behavior of an unhealed person. Once you do this, you break the cycle, you break the repeating toxic behavior from another person towards you. You stand up for yourself and do not allow another to treat you in a certain way! And that my friend, now that is one heck of an accomplishment!
When you find yourself in circumstances where someone tries to belittle you, could be your boss wrongly accusing and shouting at you, well, stand up for yourself and calmly tell them to stop, tell them factually how the situation actually is and call them out for their behavior. Like this you are standing up for yourself, you are using your voice to show your worth and to show another person they cannot treat you disrespectfully. Like this, you are setting limits to someone who previously stepped all over you limitlessly.
This might be super scary, because when you do this, you think sh*t will I get fired? Even if, well you were in that situation to learn about yourself and know that the universe rewards self development and something more beautiful with kind people who respect you will open up! Another venture, maybe even your own, which you have wanted to start for so long!
In case you find yourself in a relationship with a rude narcissistic boyfriend and you don't speak up because you're scared about the boyfriend leaving you when you tell him to be treat you nicer... I'm sorry but how dare someone who is supposed to love you, make you feel like a worthless person? Why would you want to be with someone who belittles you and doesn't listen to you or allow you to communicate how you truly feel? That person too, tell them how you feel and do not let them disrespect you!
Let's say you have friends who are always making you feel small. Stop hanging out around them and stop being their source of absorbing your light energy leaving you depleted. Cut contact and know that true friends, aligned with you will make their way into your life.
So sit with yourself and ask yourself theses questions:
What makes you angry about another person in how they treat you?
When in your life did it start that someone treated you this unkind way?
How many times in your past did you experience unkind behaviors and from who?
When are you saying yes when you want to say no?
When are you allowing others to walk over you and don't put them in their place?
Once you determine these situations, do healing work (journaling, breathwork, meditations, forgiveness exercises...) well then you can release the repeating cycle and remove yourself from toxic people for good, as when you healed some deeper lingering wound within, you will now longer will attract them into your life through all these different kind of situations.
As a small exercise, ask yourself, if you had a daughter and she would be in a work circumstance with a horrible boss or in a relationship with a mean boyfriend or in a friendship with a friend always making her feel small - wouldn't you tell her how much worth she has and how she deserves so much better and wouldn't you help her figure out how to remove these people ans situations from her life so that she can invite loving, kind, beautiful people, situations and relationships into her world? Yes, you would, so do the same for yourself. That love you have for another's well-being, give it to yourself first!
In the end of the day, any kind of situation in life, is going to allow us to grow and evolve as a soul. Whatever issue we do not have resolved is going to repeat itself in different situations and through different people, yet pretty much similar experience. So let's say you have a wound within you of not speaking up. This wound might stem primarily from parent rejecting you and not accepting your "voice" and what you have to say. Then you will attract romantic partners who will also reject your voice and treat you disrespectfully. Then you'll have friends doing the same thing as well as finding yourself in working environments where for example a boss will do exactly the same thing. You see there is a pattern to all this. Whatever needs healing within you will be expressed in different circumstance and until you decide to change and break the cycle by putting your worth first, it will occur in your life through more and more people and circumstances until you break it! Then magically these people will fall away from your life and within you, you'll feel a shift occur!
We are generation change!
Yours truly,
© Isabel
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